lol, Patrick Hamm makes a "business call"

Sometimes, Lena Chen's brainfarts are unintentionally
funny. Take Lena Chen's tweet of February 28th:

Spending my two-year anniversary working
on my thesis. Patrick [Hamm] is making
business calls.

Well, that "thesis" Lena Chen is "writing" is so worthy
of LULZ as to warrant its own post (cumming soon!)

Funny, too, to think about what one of Patrick Hamm's
"business calls" no doubt sounds like. . .

Patrick Hamm picks up phone. Dials.

Patrick Hamm: Hello? This is Patrick Hamm.
I'm calling to follow up on the CV and
application I sent you quite a while ago.
Since I worked at Oxford Analytica in
2006, I'm confidentI'm qualified to--

*beat*

Patrick Hamm: Um, yes, I know Lena Chen.

*beat*

Patrick Hamm: Yes, Lena Chen was my
student. But I don't see--

*beat*

Patrick Hamm: Yes, I did drugs with
Lena Chen. And the fake ID thing, yes
[BACKSTORY: Lena Chen lost her fake ID
on a drunken jaunt to Greece--a trip
Patrick Hamm paid for in order to satisfy
his raging yellow fever. Lena Chen then
blogged that "The Guy" (Patrick Hamm)
would get her a new fake ID] She blogged
all about it. But--

*beat*

Patrick Hamm: Yes, that picture shows
my semen on her face. But I kissed her
(yes, with tongue) right afterward!

*beat*

*beat*

*beat*

Patrick Hamm: Hallo? Hallo? Hallo...?